The social psychologist Festinger (Festinger) has a well-known judgment, which is called "Festinger's Law": 10% of life is made up of things that happen to you, and the other 90 % Is determined by how you reacted to what happened.
In other words, 10% of things in life are beyond our control, while the other 90% are beyond our control.
Festinger gave such an example in the book.
When Kastin got up in the morning to wash up, he put his high-end watch next to the sink. His wife was afraid of getting wet, so he took it and put it on the dining table. When the son got up to pick up bread on the dining table, he accidentally hit the watch on the ground and broke it.
Kasi Ding love watches, did as his son's ass beat One Dayton. Then he scolded his wife Yitong with a dark face. The wife was not convinced, saying that she was afraid that the water might wet the watch. Casting said his watch is waterproof.
So the two quarreled violently. Angrily, Castine didn't eat breakfast, and drove directly to the company. When he was approaching the company, he suddenly remembered that he forgot to take the briefcase, and immediately went home.
But there was no one at home, his wife went to work, and his son went to school. Casting's key was left in his briefcase. He couldn't get in, so he had to call his wife to ask for the key.
When the wife hurried home in a panic, she knocked over the roadside fruit stall. The stall owner stopped her from letting her go and asked her to pay compensation. She had to lose a sum of money to get rid of it.
After getting the briefcase, Casting was 15 minutes late. After being severely criticized by his boss, Casting's mood was extremely bad. Before leaving get off work, I had a quarrel with my colleague because of a minor incident.
His wife was also deducted from the full attendance award of the month for leaving early. His son participated in a baseball game that day. He was expected to win the championship, but he was in a bad mood and played poorly. He was eliminated in the first game.
In this case, broken watches accounted for 10%, and the next series of events accounted for the other 90%.
It was all due to the fact that the person concerned did not control the 90% well, which caused this day to become a "day of trouble".
Imagine if Casting changed the reaction after the 10% was produced. For example, he comforted his son: "It doesn't matter, son, it’s okay if the watch broke, I’ll take it to repair it." Then the son is happy, his wife is happy, and he is in a good mood, so everything that follows will not happen. Up.
It can be seen that you cannot control the first 10%, but you can completely determine the remaining 90% through your mentality and behavior.
In real life, people often complain: Why am I so unlucky? There are always some unlucky things haunting me every day. How can I not let me stop and have a good mood? Who can help me?
This is all a question of mentality. In fact, it is not others who can help oneself, but oneself. If you understand and use the "Festinger's Law" skillfully, all problems will be solved.
Further reading: How powerful is the power to stop complaining!
When a writer was on a business trip, he accidentally took a very distinctive taxi. The driver of this taxi is dressed clean and the car is very clean.
As soon as the writer sat down, he received a beautiful card from the driver. The card read: "In a friendly atmosphere, deliver my guests to their destinations in the fastest, safest, and most economical way."
Seeing this sentence, the writer became interested and started talking with the driver.
The driver said: "Excuse me, do you want something to drink?" The writer was surprised: "Is there any drink in this car?"
The driver smiled and said: "Yes, I not only serve coffee, but also various drinks, but also different newspapers." The writer said, "Can I have a cup of hot coffee?" The driver calmly poured from the thermos next to it. I gave the writer a cup of hot coffee. Then he gave the writer a card with the names of various newspapers and the program lists of various radio stations. I saw the words "Time", "Sports", and "USA Today" written above... it was simply too comprehensive.
The writer did not read the newspaper or listen to music. Instead, they started talking with the driver. In the meantime, the driver kindly asked the writer whether the temperature in the car was right and whether there was a closer way to the destination. The writer feels so warm.
The driver said to the author: "Actually, at the beginning, my car did not provide such a comprehensive service. Like everyone else, I love complaining, bad weather, meager income, and traffic jams are so serious. The road conditions are very bad every day. One day, I accidentally heard a story on the radio that changed my mind. The radio program invited the inspirational master Dr. Wayne Dale, and asked the doctor to introduce his new book.
The book focuses on the point that stopping complaining and stopping complaining in daily life will make anyone succeed.
He made me suddenly realize that my current bad situation is actually caused by my own complaints. So decided to stop complaining and start to change.
In the first year, I just treated all the passengers with a smile, and my income doubled.
In the second year, I cared about the joys, sorrows, sorrows and joys of all passengers from the bottom of my heart, and comforted them, which made my income more than doubled.
In the third year, this year, I turned my taxi into a five-star taxi that is rare in the United States. In addition to my income, my popularity has risen. If you want to take my car, you need to call ahead to make an appointment. And you are actually a passenger that I took along the way.
The words of the taxi driver surprised the writer. The writer can't help but reflect on himself. In fact, in daily life, he complains a lot.
He decided to change himself. He wrote the driver's story into a book. Later, some readers tried to do it after being inspired, and their lives really changed. This change let the writer know how powerful the power to stop complaining is.
As the saying goes, there must be a way for the car to reach the mountain. As long as you have the desire to break through the difficulties, change your complaining attitude, and actively do what you should do now, you will definitely be able to break through the difficulties and continue to pursue your goals.
Let us make up our minds and let go of the vice of complaining!